If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
