Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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