I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
