so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
