either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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