There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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