Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
