Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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