i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
did you just send me my own nude
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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