2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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