i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
