i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
