I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
