Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
