he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm like, not good at living.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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