none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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