its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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