Don't make out with my wife yet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
