Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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