Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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