DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
