they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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