I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
