i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
