She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
