Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
