I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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