Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I supernannyed him into submission
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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