you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
