Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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