Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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