Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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