I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
