Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
