I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
