Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize