god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
operation have a gay friend backfired
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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