Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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