I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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