therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize