sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
