We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
