I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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