I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
