I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
