the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
