Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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