so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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