Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no, he came in my armpit
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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