Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
