Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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