I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
