Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
