I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
