You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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