Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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