Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
