every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
