im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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