By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize