'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
