I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
