Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
