He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
