You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
