The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
