Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
