Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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